Prep for January 26th 2015

There’s an app that uses even less data, it’s called REAL LIFE!

Look up. Look waaaaaaay up.

A real life nightmare.

Is it really a cheers without a clink?
I always thought this was the case, and why I think drinking and driving ads aren’t targeting the real problem.

Bonus points if you can throw something in their mouth.
Believe in your dumb ideas.
How is the cat going to sit on an invisible TV?

What the Fig!

Just ban Winter already:

A dead mouse in a Timmies? Where’s that snake when you need it.

And then Bill Gates drank it..

Name him Doggy Bowie, He’ll be adopted in minutes!

Getting millions of dollars for nothing is harder than losing a leg?

“Time for you to go out to the places you will be from” God damnit.

Stupid Breaks I Did To Inspire You:


Pancakes are a giant scam.

There’s never a clean exit.

You either have a little leftover mix or some leftover maple syrup.

So then you have to go buy more just to make that one last pancake meal.

Which just starts the cycle again!

And even in perfect world where you run out of both at the same time, then you miss having cake for breakfast!!


I’m Super Awkward:

Just heard someone I don’t know talking about me in the gym locker room.

So I pretended I couldn’t hear them, while still trying to listen to what they were saying.

Turns out they were talking to me.

God I’m awkward.

Everyone’s Got and Answer!


Today my room-mate told me that if he won the lottery, the first thing he’d do is buy new windows for our house!! WOOOO!!

I thought about it though, the first thing I’d probably buy If I won a lot of money, is shoes without holes in the bottom.

What would your first non-exciting purchase be after becoming a millionaire?


After 7+ years of trying (and last week), I will no longer identify as someone who tries to date. i.e. I’m un-datable.

With that, I feel the need to publicly state the following:

I will no longer wear deodorant.

I don’t care about your relationship problems/happiness/The Notebook.

I’m growing a giant beard and starting a prog-rock band.

I’m looking forward to acquiring several cats that will appreciate my company.

Sorry for any inconvenience this may cause.

Any questions?

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