Monthly Archives: April 2017

PREP FOR MAY 1ST 2017

That’s all it took to get kids into braces?
http://news.nationalpost.com/news/canada/tweens-are-making-braces-out-of-paper-clips-rubber-bands-and-predictably-its-damaging-their-teeth
Sounds to me like he got himself into a sticky situation. http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/montreal/richard-vallieres-sentencing-1.4090811
I didn’t read past the headline, that’s all I needed to know.
http://nypost.com/2017/04/28/drinking-coffee-basically-keeps-you-alive/
Sad!
http://globalnews.ca/news/3400248/fake-news-malia-obama-wasnt-kicked-out-of-harvard-she-doesnt-even-go-there/
I don’t even want to look at mine.
http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2017/04/27/penis-insecurities_n_16297786.html
So this is why Dad’s been so sad lately..
http://www.cbc.ca/news/business/dad-s-chocolate-chip-cookies-discontinued-1.4091364?cmp=rss
I lost 6 hours in my first week!
http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-39747807
Wouldn’t a dog family tree be covered in pee?
http://www.cbc.ca/news/technology/dog-family-tree-reveals-modern-breeds-1.4086360?cmp=rssThat’s my favourite Primus song!
http://mashable.com/2017/04/28/pickle-juice-soda-pop/#a0rXbzz.7mqr
Or better yet, get rid of call centers all together!
http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/david-martin/give-me-a-canadian-call-center_b_16260556.html
There goes my hero..
http://www.cbc.ca/radio/asithappens/as-it-happens-thursday-edition-1
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PREP FOR APRIL 27TH & 28TH 2017

A conversation starter.
http://globalnews.ca/news/3408619/mp-salary-raise-canada-justin-trudeau-salary/?utm_source=GlobalHalifax&utm_medium=Facebook
This article impresses me out.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-4440726/Stop-saying-one-word-beat-stress-work.html
I wish my eyebrows were as cool as my tattoo.. Say no more..
http://mashable.com/2017/04/25/barbed-wire-eyebrows/?utm_cid=mash-com-Tw-main-link#tgosxgW4Dmqb
This should make everyone happy..
http://www.cbc.ca/news/technology/humans-north-america-130000-1.4086109
DON’T FEEL THE BURN!!  
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/woman-claims-fitbit-exploded_us_58ff54a7e4b0b6f6014ac404
A conversation starter.
http://news.nationalpost.com/health/are-obese-people-to-blame-for-their-condition
There goes my heroes.
http://www.ufunk.net/en/insolite/cheeky-exploits/
I can’t beat that headline.
http://news.nationalpost.com/news/canada/canadian-politics/what-are-you-puffin-environment-minister-marks-world-penguin-day-with-video-of-wrong-birds
IheartNetflix.
http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2017/04/27/bell-canada-streaming-service_n_16289892.html?ncid=fcbklnkcahpmg00000001
Now this, I like..
http://ajournalofmusicalthings.com/cypress-hill-turn-simpsons-joke-reality/
We got a lot of Ketchuping up to do in Canada.
http://www.cbc.ca/news/business/french-s-ketchup-canada-1.4087120
This would have changed my vote completely.
http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/kitchener-waterloo/justin-trudeau-doesnt-need-coffee-1.4084970
They’re also governed by Sarah Palin.
http://www.torontosun.com/2017/04/26/blockbuster-has-survived-in-the-most-curious-of-places—alaska
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PREP FOR APRIL 26TH 2017

A conversation starter.
http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/new-brunswick/containers-recycling-1.4079170
Jake Harris, Easiest Catch.
http://globalnews.ca/news/3403290/jake-harris-of-deadliest-catch-arrested-for-car-theft-drug-possession/
Back to the Future is not looking so good.
http://news.nationalpost.com/news/world/alaska-dentist-pulled-tooth-while-riding-hoverboard
An actual use for a Fitbit..
http://www.cbc.ca/news/technology/fitbit-murder-1.4084506
Strike while the iron is hot.
http://ultimateclassicrock.com/guardians-of-the-galaxy-doritos-bag/
For that sexy quarantined look..
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-4444680/Topshop-selling-clear-plastic-jeans.html
When life gives you a mythical lemon..
http://mashable.com/2017/04/24/unicorn-lemonade-is-a-thing/
Meanwhile in make believe Canada..
https://www.thebeaverton.com/2017/04/tim-hortons-launches-answer-unicorn-frappacino-cup-neon-paint/
What happened to Adele?
http://www.cbc.ca/radio/q/blog/there-are-no-women-on-the-billboard-top-10-for-the-first-time-since-1984-1.4083506
Meanwhile in Cornerbrook..
http://www.thewesternstar.com/news/local/2017/4/25/discarded-cardboard-cups-will-be-worth-money-in-corner-brook.html
Tequila?
http://www.ctvnews.ca/lifestyle/taco-bell-to-start-serving-alcohol-in-canada-this-summer-1.3383615
Does this mean we can bring back Grunge too?
http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/british-columbia/small-b-c-town-turns-fashion-faux-pas-into-unexpected-retail-hit-1.4082268
A conversation starter.
https://www.thestar.com/life/2017/04/24/why-some-couples-are-choosing-to-skip-the-engagement-ring.html
I’m not sure this was necessary..
http://www.torontosun.com/2017/04/12/corner-gas-reinvented-as-a-cartoon
Time to start blaming the generation before us! http://globalnews.ca/news/3394940/time-to-stop-shaming-millennials-for-living-with-their-parents-personal-finance-experts-say/
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PREP FOR APRIL 25TH 2017

Stupid Chainsmokers
http://exclaim.ca/music/article/the_chainsmokers_misspell_pittsburgh_on_giant_banner_at_pittsburgh_show?utm_source=facebookpage&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=fbpwall
The kid isn’t even born yet, and they embarrassed by their parents.
http://mashable.com/2017/04/23/batman-batgirl-pregnancy-announcement/?utm_cid=hp-r-2#ZnahcUnUiZqX
A conversation starter.
http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/calgary/calgary-mom-son-fentanyl-death-1.4082089
A Rage Against The Machine song just started playing in my head.
http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/nova-scotia/canada-revenue-agency-taxes-nudge-1.4081292
Same applies for working in Government.
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/pupils-rich-families-talented-poorer-children-education-secretary-justine-greening-equality-a7659346.html
We better keep this one from Kanye..
http://globalnews.ca/news/3399372/novel-depicting-kim-kardashians-killing-to-be-turned-into-movie/
Hammer of The Gods strikes again!
http://www.tonedeaf.com.au/500369/led-zeppelins-immigrant-song-back-us-charts-week.htm
This guy for Prime Minister of Canada!
http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/nova-scotia/this-guy-loves-hockey-so-much-he-travels-to-another-province-to-play-1.4079645
Meanwhile in Calgary..
http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/calgary/calgary-hockey-parents-good-behaviour-course-1.4078372
Good for you Winnipeg.
http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/manitoba/winnipeg-unicorn-frappuccino-hair-1.4081361
When in Waterloo, don’t stop to smell the roses.
http://globalnews.ca/news/3398332/waterloo-ont-to-be-home-of-pilot-program-turning-dog-poop-into-energy-fertilizer/
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PREP FOR APRIL 24TH 2017

A conversation starter.
http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/julie-blais-comeau/unfriending-people_b_16126304.html
How to defeat North Korea, everyone in North AMerica get his haircut.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4418628/Trim-Jong-North-Koreans-choice-15-haircuts.html
Umm..
http://globalnews.ca/news/3393855/law-stops-michigan-police-from-sex-with-prostitutes/?utm_source=GlobalHalifax&utm_medium=Facebook
How could anyone be that angry at Jackson Brown?
http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/windsor/windsor-police-investigating-posters-threatening-singer-songwriter-jackson-browne-1.4077358
Radness.
http://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/gmp4252/slang-year-you-were-born?sc_ref=facebook
Why chip on the green when you can chip a tooth instead! http://www.ctvnews.ca/health/hash-browns-recalled-in-u-s-after-golf-ball-pieces-found-1.3380508
A conversation starter.
http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2017/02/23/happy-marriages_n_14963224.html?ncid=fcbklnkcahpmg00000001
Meanwhile in Toronto.
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/fashion-and-beauty/fashion/bringing-back-bata-shoes-with-a-little-help-from-the-drake-general-store/article34741996/?click=sf_globefb
study/
Meanwhile in Halifax.
http://www.ctvnews.ca/canada/party-girl-stereotype-played-role-in-cabbie-sex-assault-case-professor-1.3381177
Meanwhile in St. Johns.
http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/newfoundland-labrador/richard-gillett-ambulance-hunger-strike-1.4081952
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PREP FOR APRIL 21ST 2017

There parents must be so proud.
http://www.macleans.ca/education/canadas-top-party-schools-2017/
East Coast Hospitality.
https://www.thestar.com/news/canada/2017/04/19/newfoundland-man-uses-kijiji-to-warn-thief-to-bring-back-his-lumber-or-face-police.html
Thought I felt something..
http://www.cbc.ca/news/technology/large-asteroid-close-pass-earth-1.4074004
It will lower your risk of enjoying food though..
http://news.nationalpost.com/news/canada/vegetarians-study-lower-risk-death
Because it’s 2017.
http://www.cbc.ca/news/politics/banknote-bank-of-canada-macdonald-haircut-1.4074412
You can’t drink pot, silly’s.
http://globalnews.ca/news/3389560/beer-pot-canada/
Makes sense.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-4341436/Millennials-don-t-consider-adults-30.html
We’re safe! Until the rise of Robot Seacrest.
http://time.com/4742543/robots-jobs-machines-work/
A conversation starter.
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/parenting/boys-encouraged-to-break-from-gender-norms-embrace-feminine-side/article34751255/
Meanwhile in Ottawa.
http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/ottawa/little-library-arson-ottawa-1.4075551
No.
https://www.yahoo.com/news/could-solve-1-500-pound-185041075.html
Yeah, but did he shout it?
http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2017/04/19/obama-trump-canada-dairy_n_16112740.html
Way to make us all feel lazy..
http://atlantic.ctvnews.ca/all-about-what-baby-is-used-to-n-b-woman-runs-boston-marathon-while-eight-months-pregnant-1.3376639
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PREP FOR APRIL 20TH 2017

Kids these days..
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/georgia-teen-drug-bust-promposal_us_58f4ed3be4b0b9e9848d650a?section=us_weird-news
Hockey fans these days..
http://www.bardown.com/t-shirt-displaying-gruesome-werenski-injury-quite-the-fashion-statement-by-fan-1.727775
Maybe he was just getting into character?
http://news.nationalpost.com/arts/movies/mel-gibson-once-threw-an-ashtray-through-a-wall-because-he-didnt-get-the-money-he-wanted-for-braveheart|
To be fair, it is a Canadian goose now living in America.
http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2017/04/18/canada-goose-attacks-police-officer-indiana_n_16080374.html
Perhaps we could just tell ourselves the same?
http://news.nationalpost.com/news/world/woman-told-ex-husband-on-his-deathbed-that-trump-was-impeached-so-he-could-die-happy
Why isn’t this a reality TV show?
http://news.nationalpost.com/news/world/born-to-run-the-obamas-are-vacationing-on-a-yacht-with-bruce-springsteen-tom-hanks-and-oprah
Meanwhile in Nova Scotia.
http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/nova-scotia/joe-howe-accessibility-act-disability-wheelchair-washroom-justice-department-1.4075713
She must have lots of D’oh.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/ricky-viner-simpsons-tattoo_us_58f66eabe4b029063d34abe4
What could possibly go wrong?
http://globalnews.ca/news/3385904/putting-the-risk-back-into-play-the-benefits-of-being-less-protective/
This is what they all look like to me.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/this-dad-posed-for-his-own-maternity-photos-and-the-results-were-hilarious_us_58ef9a7fe4b0da2ff85ed734
Meanwhile in California..
http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2017/04/18/mountain-lion-dog_n_16086066.html
How hard is it to sell actual food these days?
http://news.nationalpost.com/life/food-drink/is-there-chalk-and-talcum-in-your-garlic-powder-food-fraud-expert-is-warning-us-about-tainted-garlic-products
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PREP FOR APRIL 19TH 2017

A conversation starter..
http://globalnews.ca/news/3385793/no-bridesmaids-wedding-party-trend/
Back to your parents basement, Ghomeshi!
http://toronto.ctvnews.ca/web-host-pulls-ghomeshi-podcast-after-barrage-of-online-hate-1.3365003
Cause I’m fat..
http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2017/04/17/mens-suit-bottom-button_n_16058926.html
First rule of Quebec kiddie fight club..
http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/montreal/quebec-daycares-roughhousing-1.4066659
Meanwhile in Winnipeg..
http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2017/04/18/winnipeg-landlord_n_16066834.html?ncid=fcbklnkcahpmg00000001
Since when are Canadians that excited to look at ice (Besides hockey..).
http://atlantic.ctvnews.ca/towering-iceberg-causes-n-l-traffic-jam-as-onlookers-flock-for-glimpse-1.3372997
A modern day Myles Davis.
http://globalnews.ca/news/3385423/dad-daughter-accident-viral/?utm_source=GlobalHalifax&utm_medium=Facebook
I wish I loved someone as much as most people love hockey..
https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2017/apr/13/pittsburgh-penguins-fan-stabbed-in-head-refuses-treatment-until-end-of-game
Meanwhile on the Internet..
http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2017/04/18/prince-william-lady-gaga-mental-health_n_16074276.html?ncid=fcbklnkcahpmg00000001
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PREP FOR APRIL 18TH 2017

A can-conversation starter.
http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2017/04/12/canada-online-shopping_n_15969708.html
The Beaver don’t give a sorry, he do what he wants.
http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2017/04/17/ituna-saskatchewan-cattle-beaver-video_n_16062738.html
Yet I can barely sit on a couch properly while on the pot.
http://globalnews.ca/news/3383565/marc-emery-claims-smoking-marijuana-makes-people-better-drivers/
So, an energy drink?
http://elitedaily.com/envision/food/clear-coffee-wont-stain-teeth/1861002/
What could possibly go wrong?
http://www.cbc.ca/news/technology/cygnus-orbital-atk-mission-space-station-experiment-1.4072776
It’s ok to eat fish, cause they don’t have any feelings.
http://www.cbc.ca/radio/the180/defending-kid-free-condos-stop-referring-to-innocent-women-and-let-motorcyclists-ride-between-the-lanes-1.4069549/why-this-fish-biologist-stopped-eating-fish-1.4069906
|Give someone some pizza, end of study.
http://news.nationalpost.com/health/researchers-say-there-is-more-to-learn-about-happiness
Also, this.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/baby-goats-sweaters-learn-jump-hop_us_58efe612e4b0da2ff85f708a
Meanwhile in Edmonton..
http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2017/04/16/jaxon-garnier_n_16049174.html
COMMON! It’s not like she make him eat pineapple on pizza!!
http://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-moms/news/kelly-clarkson-accused-of-child-abuse-for-feeding-daughter-nutella-w476926
Meanwhile in PEI.
https://www.localxpress.ca/national-news/overbooking-called-an-egregious-and-deliberate-form-of-breach-of-contract-590383
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PREP FOR APRIL 13TH 2017

Snoring is a lie. If I really do it, than how come I can’t hear it?
http://news.nationalpost.com/news/world/snoring-is-a-voluntary-habit-u-k-surgeon-says-and-it-can-be-cured-with-a-two-minute-workout
There goes my hero..
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/chicken-nuggets-tweet-ellen-oscars_us_58ec8576e4b0ca64d9189a5a
A conversation starter.
http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2017/04/11/janelle-monae-sex-strike_n_15939584.html
Or was it a mistake?
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/nicole-richie-high-five-goes-wrong_us_58edd212e4b0df7e20467b53
Is this how the cavemen ate?
http://news.nationalpost.com/life/food-drink/how-an-edible-water-balloon-could-bring-new-meaning-to-eat-your-water
6. Your dick neighbour BBQ’s everyday and you’re on a diet.
http://news.nationalpost.com/life/food-drink/how-an-edible-water-balloon-could-bring-new-meaning-to-eat-your-water
How to save money and not have to go to 300 weddings this summer:
http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2017/04/11/object-at-wedding_n_15941066.html
Multi-million dollar spending sold separately.
http://news.nationalpost.com/news/canada/a-fine-collectible-not-intended-for-children-under-14-talking-justin-trudeau-doll-now-for-sale
HEADLINE OF THE DAY!
http://metro.co.uk/2017/04/11/hubble-just-spotted-something-massive-coming-out-of-uranus-6567896/
Meanwhile in Ontario.
http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/toronto/ontario-pioneer-camp-gay-lesbian-policy-1.4064205
“From the Window, to a crawl. Till the blood drips down his jaw. Ahh beetbeet maw facker..”
http://atlantic.ctvnews.ca/maritime-musician-sees-renewed-interest-in-song-public-battle-with-united-airlines-1.3364674
Perhaps a road trip is in order this summer..
http://globalnews.ca/news/3372520/man-bitten-by-scorpion-during-flight-to-calgary/
This should get her votes!
http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2017/04/11/kellie-leitch-legal-marijuana-plan_n_15944090.html
Meanwhile in Manitoba..
http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/manitoba/impaired-driving-lawnmower-winkler-manitoba-1.4065799
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